That's how I feel right now. I have just enough breath to make it to Thursday! The last several weeks have been tiring. Regardless of letting the anxiety or stress go...no sleep, sick kids and work, is tiring! Since last Tuesday, when Jacob scared me to death with his blood pressure issues, I have been on edge. I officially entered the "fog." At work I am responsible for.....well about everything that it takes to manage an office. And with that said, I have a new boss. She is great, but just learning a new rhythm can be tiring too!
Praise the Lord, by last Thursday evening Jacob's blood pressure had finally returned to normal, after having no medication for more than 72 hours. The doctor has instructed for him not to take anything else till we see him on the 24th and by then he will have a new game plan. I actually felt like I had breathing room when he said that!!!
Friday - well my thoughts for the day never came to fruition, therefore.....well I wasn't in the best mood, but none the less, I had the day off.
Saturday, we went to the Dogwood Festival in Woodville. Its always a great time to watch a down home parade and eat fair food.
Sunday - well thats where my fog met reality. Last weekend was by brother's birthday, but his dedication to homework had us push off any celebration till Easter Weekend. No problem, we were all going to be together anyways. I woke up about 4 a.m. sick. I go back to be around 5, with my alarm set for 6. Well I didn't wake till 8 a.m. I needed to take a shower, iron clothes for church, make a banana pudding, (at my brother's request) and get myself and the kids ready, in one hour! A path headed straight for a collision. And that's exactly what happened. My anxiety took over, which comes out to everyone else, as yelling! Primarily at Makayla because she was trying to wear cowboy boots with a very nice Easter dress. I know so stupid to get mad about, but at the time I felt justified in going crazy over the fact she was trying to step into a white dress with muddy cowboy boots......ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Brian politely told me that I need to back off and calm down. Most of the time I take a deep breath and back off. But not today.....I felt like my insides were going to explode. By now it is well after 9 a.m.......I take off my dress and go back to bed. I knew the devil had won that battle. I felt defeated that I let myself get so upset about little things! I don't think that I have ever officially had a panic attack, but if that was one....well I understand now. After about 2 hours of sulking and crying my eyes out.....of all days! Easter Sunday!!! Brian had already left for church with the kids. Being the wonderful and wise husband that he is, he left my car with the keys in the seat, because he knew I would come. I quickly grabbed my dress off the floor, touched up my make up and ran out the door. (leaving the Bible on the counter). I arrive at church only about 15 minutes into the 2nd service. Everyone was still singing, so I'm sure no one noticed how late I was. I was not going to let the devil win....especially not on Easter. Brian never said a word, just put his arm around me and smiled. I couldn't help but know he loves me no matter what.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
- Proverbs 15:1
Church ended and we quickly ran home, grabbed our stuff and the banana pudding and hit the road to my Mom and Dad's house. We arrive a fashionable 45 minutes late....as everyone was waiting to eat. We all take quick pictures and eat. It ended up being a nice relaxing day. The weather was impeccable. On the way home, I told Brian that I thought my anxiety was out of control.....I was prepared for his answer to be "its in your head." Which would totally have been a guy answer. But he didn't......He told me that I needed to study the bible for specific "anxiety" bible verses...keep them close and read them over and over again when I begin to get anxious. Well that leads into Monday morning................
I get to work, on time for a Monday! My boss arrives and we begin to chat about our weekends. In the midst of me telling her about my all out panic attack because of a white dress and cowboy boots.....she said, you know what's funny is my mother-in-law is doing a bible study on anxiety and she gave me a sheet of Bible verses about anxiety. As she was saying this she brought out a piece of paper with 12 Bible verses. She said that she had told her mother-in-law about the new job and stresses, so she thought she should have a copy. Coincidence????? NO WAY!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it! Maybe my husband knows what he is talking about after all....................... I asked if I could make a copy, she said of course. WOW!!! God still AMAZES me! I didn't even have to do the research......He put it in my hands. (not to mention she told me I could have a few days off...........to relax!)
Here's to a beautiful weekend, with our toes in the sand!!! Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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